Poem By Michelle Tiddy
Now, when I shut my eyes, I sigh
To be honest, I thought I'd closed the door
Thought that I'd climbed the mountain
Crossed the stream, into reality
And was over you. For ever.
I thought I felt indifference
That you couldn't hurt me
Not anymore, not ever, forever
I was wrong for sure. It hurtles
Into my mind like a hurricane..
I thought this numbness was an answer
To all the pain and disaster that
You alone had caused. To my heart..
I believed that by not feeling...
I was not bleeding; now I know..
That was just a lie to my soul
I'd cloaked my dreams in ice
Rolled the dice and decided that
As no numbers showed, that was the way
To go, to progress forward....
That if I stilled the blood
That ran in my veins, you couldn't
Ever cause me pain, I would be safe
Awake and aware of me, just me
You wouldn't exist anymore...
Then as the silence progressed
You see, I regressed into that state
Of loneliness, of sorrow, of being hollow
Why the heck do you do that to me
When I believed you weren't real?
It is a heartache for sure, this disease
With no cure, no solace, no reprieve
You make my spirit weep, when I truly
Don't know if I want you anymore
This chapter had almost closed its door
But I can't forget, those amazing times
We shared, we cared, we lusted and
Thrusted our dreams into one anothers seams
God, it was amazing, it seemed
But maybe, just a lie, just a dance
Just a tango in the night for you?
A champagne dinner, for two, whilst
You strummed your guitar a million
Trillion miles away, I am in dismay
Because you see, what's a game to you...
Is real to me, I am innocent
In this tidal wave of deceit.
I've always remained sweet and neat
And not at all something I shouldn't be
Is that what makes you run to me?
Time and time again..
When it's 'over' and then, you see my words
Watch me recover and then you draw the dagger
And plunge it into my heart, is that fair?
Is it respectful, to flirt in the flames
You should know, that I loved you
That weeks ago I would have run to you
No matter how hard the miles, my smiles
Would have led me to you..
And all that you stirred in me...
But the winner takes it all....
Me, I guess, I have to fall.. into
This cloud of confusion and delusion
And lost dreams. Do you enjoy this
Do you relish what it means....
Are you a player, a joker, a card
Or a hopeless shining shard
Of indignity, immorality, cruelness
Does this make you smile
In all your foolishness......
I think I've said enough..... to 'coin'
'There's nothing more I can think of
To say to you'... but if you look at me
You'll know that every word is true....
Let me cry for myself..........