Maturity

What shall I write?
There’s a bitter smile on my face reviewing the sentiments of yesterday.
And how utterly tragic for me to find out
I knew there was something wrong about our picture perfect story
Yet I refused to be kept from my momentary bliss..

I am getting older. I smile now rather than cry
Over the pain that I know will haunt me forever.
I am getting wiser now as I smile
Because I believe I will live again to see the sunrise.

I do have a broken heart. It is palpitating, throbbing
Declaring its existence. But it is subdued by the forewarning
That it was to be, eventually, inevitably.

I knew you for what you are
Behind your charm and graciousness. Yet I loved you like it was never gonna hurt
\because that is the only way I knew how to love.
It gnaws me, it caresses me, it soothes me, it lashes at me
These memories that flitter and flutter and shock me and punish me and revive me

I am once again at the rungs of my rope. I climb inch my inch after hitting rock bottom trying to fins stable ground, Trying to find my center. And my friends, my family, everything that I hold dear lift me up, wake me up. I have bruises and scars and nightmares and convulsions BUT I AM ALIVE. And I breathe all the scents of sweat, tears, earth, wind, water and sky that makes my life so colorful so wonderful

I have to get to my jump off point and survey the scene of how long and how far I’ve fallen. But I know I am a whole lot better than before. I look at the world from a different perspective and I know I am okay. You are there at the back of my mind yet you are not there in my face to pull me down, to make me cry..

I have grown. I have matured, I have become a woman.
No man is ever gonna touch me and see me cry.
But I will dance like no one’s watching and I will love again like it’s not gonna hurt.

June 8,2005
9: 50 pm

by Mona Adviento

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