To My Valentine

More than a catbird hates a cat,
Or a criminal hates a clue,
Or the Axis hates the United States,
That's how much I love you.

I love you more than a duck can swim,
And more than a grapefruit squirts,
I love you more than a gin rummy is a bore,
And more than a toothache hurts.

As a shipwrecked sailor hates the sea,
Or a juggler hates a shove,
As a hostess detests unexpected guests,
That's how much you I love.

I love you more than a wasp can sting,
And more than the subway jerks,
I love you as much as a beggar needs a crutch,
And more than a hangnail irks.

I swear to you by the stars above,
And below, if such there be,
As the High Court loathes perjurious oathes,
That's how you're loved by me.

by Ogden Nash

Comments (11)

The version quoted above is the earliest version but not the best. The two I quoted below are better and later versions He improves the poem and replaces some of the out of date lines with something equally or more witty. The pity is that the version quoted above is the only one you can find on the internet. I have noticed that the internet is very incestuous, copying endlessly what one person posts and never looking further.
When Nash and Weill wrote One Touch of Venus this poem was revised and rewritten with several new lines and additional verses which are amusing. The limitation on characters in this comment do not permit me to quote it but here are a few gems: As a dachshund abhors revolving doors. and, As much as a lifeguard hates to swim, / Or a writer hates to read, / As Hays office frowns on low cut gowns, /That's how much you I need.
In his book Marriage Lines: notes of a student husband, The poem was revised to something better. The character limitations on this comment do not allow me to fully quote it but here is the rewritten last verse I love you more than a bronco bucks, Or a Yale man cheers the Blue. Ask not what is this thing called love; It's what I'm in with you.
Love and hatred are two diagonally opposite emotions.A lover who is in deep passion may go through these two emotions - - if faced with betrayal..
As the High Court loathes perjurious oaths.. Excellent conceptualization. Congrats on modern poem of the Day.
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