Tomorrow

Tomorrow
The sun
Will burn away
The mist
And stream downward
Through your window
And waken you to emptiness
For I'll be gone.
You won't even miss me.

We were happy here
In the darkness.
We used it
As a blanket
To wrap around us,
To cover us
From the sight
Of our souls,
But with the sun,
I'll be gone.
You won't even miss me.

by Scarlett Treat

Comments (10)

This shows real craft, Scarlett. The structure is excellent, juxtaposing light against darkness but not in that boring, conventional way. instead you invert them- light isn't all it is cracked up to be, you long for the darkness. We were happy here In the darkness. We used it As a blanket To wrap around us, To cover us From the sight Of our souls, But with the sun, I'll be gone. Darkness enables us to hide, to love, to get away from who we are. The sun is harsh, it exposes those things, burns them way. That line 'But with the sun I'll be gone' is magnificent- I hear sirens there- the sounds of summer. But you don't celebrate being gone, you resent it. Such a clever and thought provoking peice- the metre is spot on and the phrasing precise and considered. Wonderful.
Ah yes, the ole underappreciation factor rears its ugly countenance once again...go figure? That deadbeat will likely never see the light of day, I'm afraid, so you are quite right in buggering off, Linda.; -)
A SENSE OF TIRED LAMENT HERE, BUT NOT NECESARILLY ON YOUR END, DEAR SCARLETT...I LIKE THIS PIECE A LOT..IT DRIPS OF AN AMORPHOUS EXPRESSION, YET IT MAKES A VERY PRONOUNCED STATEMENT...A TAD TO THE ABSTRACT, SO PERHAPS THATS WHY I AM IMMEDIATELY DRAWN TO IT....GREAT WRITE, SCARLETTT...NOW, ENOUGH OF THE NICEITIES...WHERES THE NEW STUFF! ? LETS GET A MOVE ON...IF YOU SPENT LESS TIME FLAPPIN' ON THE FORUM ABOUT EVERYTHING BUT GOOD LIT., YOU'D HAVE TIME TO REFILL OUR EMPTY TREAT FUNNELS OF POETIC FRUITS! LOL...THOUGHT ID STOP OFF AND SAY HELLO...HELLO! FRANK/FJR
I detect a familiar pattern here. One of regret and melancholy. I like the pattern of the poem and the metaphor of the mist that hides the soul. Warmly, Alison
Sometimes I look out for a piece that expresses how I feel at that moment. For times past, this is sure one. And it's fabulous.
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