Trapped In Myself

I have lived my life, sheltered from fear
Some days I want to cry, tear by tear
My insecurities always weighing me down
My life is consuming me and I’m starting to drown

Not a day goes by where I don’t want to be someone else
I just can’t accept being myself
I get really nauseous when I look in the mirror
Sometimes I think only death will put me in the clear

Thirty five and aging, what have I done
Throughout my life I have been on the run
Running from myself and now I’m grown
Close to no one, I’m all alone

When I was young, I was quiet and shy
Believing I was a failure even if I tried
I never had a day where I didn’t shed a tear
Having no idea why I’m even here

I thought about ending my life but that’s too easy
The thought alone makes me feel queasy
I try to stay positive but times running out
If I will ever find someone to love, I’m starting to doubt

But one day I got a gift from heaven
I saw this girl, blue eyes and five foot seven
She was the girl of my dreams but I could not talk
So I just turned my back and began to walk

As I was walking away, I began to delay
I was going to face my fears today
As I talked to her, you could cut tension with a knife
But that girl of my dreams is now my wife

I used to feel like I didn’t belong
I faced my fears but it took so long
I lived my whole life scared to get hurt
Now that thought alone seems absurd

Now I am old and I can’t go back
But it’s never too late to get your life on track
Live your life, and love who you are
By accepting yourself, you can get very far

Not every person was created the same
That’s why we all have a different name
Just enjoy your time here and meet some friends
Cause whether we like it or not, it all comes to an end

by Derek DiRuscia

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