JM (28 04 75 / wallasey)

Traumatize

Inner traumatize, the bowels of my body spurt pain
Lost in the hopeless waste, my life a one note refrain
I have lost the capacity to feel exalted, emotion all mined
It's a bleak forecast, it's the agonies of humankind
Fantastic one who knew people who all loathed her
Mowed down by the agony and ecstasy of roadsweepers
And the grasping fingers of claw-folk pull me under
And the rasping boils of pus-men leer me over
And the clasping to threads freyed and frizzly grizzly
I think I'm possibly slipping down the ubiquitous slippery slope
Made more oily by years of tears, fears, scars and mind rape
Needling angst anxiety wreck my pretend composure surety
Needing love and peace of being in a landmine devastation
All I receive is ignoring many times and hefty rejection
Am I going to be always alone with the company of me?
The answer is yes and I can say that assuredly
For individuals must be thus; the one man band
Soldiering on in group led culture and wedding bands
Friends are transient, come and go, ebb and tide
If they want to use you then they are at your side
Men take your hand skip you up the path of promise
Leave you reeling like a love lorn novice
Then they leave as they do not like being outshone
So you feel unravelled, confused, used and undone.
Not top of the world. Bottom of the pile. My dear I feel vile.
Sluggishly eking out a dysfunctional breakdown
I can't have another relationship no one suitable not
Anyone courtly enough to warrant my presence dear
The light of the silvery doom reflects large, piercing
On my breath, my path, my constant nothing life
I think that's what it is. All nothing. And so if it is
Then why am I writing about it as nothing cannot be grasped
And shook hard.

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