Trying

a trip down memory lane
we shall go, lets rewind
to the reason why we are here
to the reason why im a mess right now

im in love with somebody i cant have
yet i cant live my life without her
im in love with somebody i can have
yet who is a fake and i was blind to see that

im closing down my heart, bringing up the walls
so no emotions go past me, so i dont cry
so i dont take things too seriously
im changing with every passing day

everyone can see it now, everyone can see
me at my weakness, at my downfall
im ashamed to even be me, im not the person
i once was as everyone can see me break and fall

i dont even know where to even begin
to start building myself back up
to get back to who i once was
i think i changed to much to even know
who i really am anymore

i need someone, anyone to lift me back up
to bring me back to life, im dead inside
floating endlessly, trying to find my way
back to the world i left behind so i dont have
to face my inner demons

its all too late, everythings catching up with me
insecurities i thought i got passed are creeping back
into my heart, into my mind, im sinking back to
who i once was just under a year ago when
everything was just as bad, it took forever to just
get myself back, now i have to start over

i dont like this new me, i dont think anybody does
im sorry for all the hurt i have done
im sorry for all the problems i have cause
im sorry for being an asshole, for taking things too seriously

i dont know where to start, to get back to
where i once was, even thou i may need help
i need to do this alone, to figure out things for myself
i just hope i dont lose the ones that i hold near to my heart
while trying to find out who i am once again....

by Brittany Bell

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