Up For Grabs

My feelings in the past,
Had been up for grabs.
With a need to please,
And be accepted.

Especially in relationships that did not last,
For reasons foolishness can not explain.
Or sustain pretentions.

And those I thought were close,
Chose to test me most.
With a thinking towards me,
As someone dependent and easily teased.
And continually this became the main attraction.

My feelings in the past,
Had been up for grabs.
And in those days long gone,
I believed myself special...
With a giving I gave to get back little re-action.

However when a dawning came,
To awaken with the brightest of lights...
It occurred to me what I desired and wanted,
In a relationship...
Did not feed seriously another's appetite.
And I was not into fantasies and quick pleasures.

Up for grabs and momentary satisfactions,
I am not.

by Lawrence S. Pertillar

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