Waking With The Taste Of Future In My Mouth

Poem By Amberlee Carter

headlights in the rain

day rotting, streets slick with rain, headlights
speak of long distance, journeys abroad, and

an empty cemetery road, headstones
riddled with tears, funeral precessions:
the barren field of an eye,
she weeps
she weeps
she weeps

momma used to tell me:
' quarter faith dear Aammie, that's all you need-
quarter faith child, will in times of despair, sustain'

I find it awkward now, believing in an unseen hand,
as days progress into years
all that was left to me are memories- that
and photographs of nameless faces, legends
of ancestors who are my history-
they will survive us.

I remember being drunk on self-disillusion,
fat on hope that was merely a glimpse at
the crack in reality- we all know is there,
a world of no worldly possession.

The pieces never fit exactly,
I live in an ordinary age-
for those lost days I recite:
' and all the king's horses and all the king's men
couldn't put him back together again'

I find myself grounded now, here
in this rural state-of-mind,
surrounded by graves which bear my own name.

intoxicated by words, that serve as
a tiny testimony of life:
once upon a time, in a dream like state-of-mind
someone existed, someone
who lived and breathed and
had the ache of a heartbeat.

after the curtain falls, doubt is what comforts.
The only knowledgably proof-of-life is a shoebox
tucked neatly beneath my bed of nails titled: ' I miss you '

I guess it's safe to suppose, that's enough,
while I contemplate a sunset, and
another round of hell-
at the end of this road, when it forks
I understand it's all I have left,
this and a penny I tossed into a well,
leaving it for the day to grieve against.

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