Wash It Away

I try to wash away the pain with pills'
I try to make the pain go away, but still,
Everyday no matter how hard I try,
Happiness for me is hard to find,
Losing all hope of finding love,
Begging for help from above,
Instead of getting better, things get worse,
To me, living feels like a curse,
Feeling of death comes to mind,
The light in the dark I can not find,
All I need is someone to listen,
All I need is someone to care,
Because at this moment living,
Is a burdon I can not bare,
My fingers shake,
I've had more than I can take,
My heart breaks,
With every breath I take,
To live in this place,
With all the troubles I have to face,
I just want to scream, but I hold it all in,
Afraid of letting everyone her my awful sin,
Happiness is a word unknown to me,
Happiness is a word not created for me,
Maybe it is not meant for me to be,
All together, free and happy,
I fake a smile so people won't know,
The pain I feel is hard to show,
To everyone else I am happy,
For them it's hard to see,
I hide the darkness with a fake light,
That's my only weapon in this fight,
A tear falls down my cheek,
And soon I become weak,
I fear I am not strong enough to hold on,
I fear no one will miss me when I'm gone,
My heart aches from loneliness and betrayal,
No matter how hard I try I will fail,
My heart breaks from lies and loneliness,
I feel like I'm all alone in a foggy mist,
What used to be clear, now is blurry,
Why must I fear, why must I hurry,
It's so hard to see anymore,
The things I used to adore,
I make you laugh so I can hide,
So you can't see how I hurt inside,
I smile, to hide the pain,
My life, I live in vain,
I've had enough, all I want is to be loved,
I try to let it out, but no one pays attention,
I think to myself what have I done,
I'm killing myself slowly and no one minds,
To even realize, what's going on in my mind,
To even realize, how I am feeling deep inside,
Feelings of death and sorrow,
Dreading tomorrow,
every day, I fade away,
Even more, than before,
Till soon I am invisible,
My life that used to be fun,
Has now become, miserable,
Everyday, when I awaken,
I feel, I have already forsaken,
Every night when I go to sleep,
I feel life's defeat,
day by day, life drift's away,
pill after pill, I become ill'
freedom to me one day will come,
until then life will go on,
everyday my cry's are silenced,
everyday avoiding violence,
the pain i feel isn't physical,
the pain i feel is internal,
the pain i feel is mental,
the pain i feel is untouchable,
self abuse is the worst type,
for a person to take their own life,
i am the victim, yet am the cause,
i am the reason, one day my life will end,
i am to blame, for all the pain,
you yell, i cry,
you yell at me, but why,
what have i done, to you,
that makes you hate me so much,
what am i suppose to do,
when all i want is someone to love me,
someone to hug me, someone to hold me,
someone who's gonna be, everything i need,
i need someone to show me the way,
i need someone to tell me every things gonna be okay.

by Courtney Caine

Other poems of CAINE (33)

Comments (2)

This poem brought me to tears. This is maybe the most honest, selfless expression of pain I've ever read. And it makes me feel. I feel the same things, and I know it's just awful. I originally wasn't gonna read it cuz it looked too long, but I relate to it so well, and the way you word things makes it easy to read.
this poem says everything about the way i feel...