What I Can’t Say

The alcohol numbs nothing
as my nerves continue to run.
If I could tell you “I like you”
Would it be a burden or a bliss
Or just a smile upon your lips with no reply?
Eyes shifted
Or square on mine?
Heart pounding
Or cold as ice.
When its done is it “see you later”
Or say “goodbye”?

Your smile catches me off guard
And I pretend to like watching sports
Or know what the Korean broadcaster is saying.
But internally Im playing out the scenario mentally
A possible kiss? A humiliating talk?
Or loosing it all, down to the friendship
And membership to the Sunday team?

Feeling to scared of the outcome
I buy more time sitting in silence
Playing with my napkin
Pretending to watch TV
so you cant catch me staring
At he possibilities that don’t exist
Until I can shake of the butterfly
And say “I like you”.

by Brian (Yaotzu) Bungcayao

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