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Why O Why
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Why O Why

Poem By Matthew Bresette

Why o why did I have to die
Die before the eve of my birth
Why o why did I have to leave so early
I could have done great things
Why o why did you have to kill me, mom
It wasn't painless as they told you it would be
You killed me before I could see you for the first time
You killed me before I had a chance to call you mom
You killed me before I could take a fresh breathe of air
You killed me before you see if it was what I wanted
Why o why did you have to kill me
I could have done great things
I could have saved the world from people like you
If only you could have given birth to me
I could have been the son that you could never have
The son that would have bragged about their loving mom who suffered and
gave me life even though it almost killed her
The son that would comfort you in your times of trouble
The son that would catch the tears that falls from your cheeks
But I am none of those things
I am nothing, was nothing, will always be nothing in your life
You never cared about me, you never did and you never will
Why o why did you have to kill me
Killed me before the eve of my birth
Why o why didn't you give me a chance to live
To live and breathe fresh air
To love and be loved
To have friends that could actually care about me
Why o why didn't you give me, give ME the choice of living or dying
I chose life
I choose to live and breathe
I choose to endure the Pain that you couldn't endure
I choose to regret all the bad things that I have done in the Past
but I don't choose to live with the decision that I made that will cause
me years of sleepless night because I regret my decision that caused the
life of one that could not think, could not even whisper, let alone even
breathe
Why o why did you choose me to die
To die before I was born
Could you have at least waited a day or even a week before you killed me?
Couldn’t you have waited for me to experience life, to breathe fresh air
for the first time, to feel the cool wind as it runs against my skin, to
feel the moon's rays as it shines bright in the evening sky as it hovers
among the stars
Couldn’t you have waited for at least for me to feel the love of a caring
mother in her mom's arms?
You didn't wait for me to experience those things
You didn't wait for me to experience anything, not one single thing
Not even a touch from a living thing
Are you proud of what you did? Have you ever cried because of what you
did? Are you crying now, mother? Crying because of me, Mommy. Cry as hard
as you want, as long as you want for I will never forgive you. My life is
ended, I shall never breathe a breath nor should your child breathe a
breath. Every time your child breathes a breath I will be a part of that
breath. Every time you touch the child, you will be touching me. I will
live in your child. I will experience everything that you didn't give me
a chance to experience.
Can you live with that, mother? A child within a child. Are you still
crying, mother? If you are, keep on crying. If you aren't crying, I will
make you cry. Your child will make you cry. You will always cry. And when
your child comes old enough to understand why you are crying. Tell him
that I am crying because of you, of what I've done to you, of what I've
done to myself. And if he asks why, tell him more. Tell him to sit down,
once you have done so, continue. When I was younger, I did horrible
things, things that I still regret. One thing I regret the most is making
the choice to give up my first born child because I didn't want him. What
I'm trying to say is that I had an abortion so that I wouldn't have to
deal with the Pain of giving birth. I was afraid, beyond fear, it was
terror. That terror that no one wants to bear. I didn't do it for the
child, I did for myself and that's what I regret most, doing it for
myself, not for the child. Every time I look at you, I see the child I
gave up. The child that never experienced life. That child is
experiencing life through you. Experiencing everything that I didn't let
that child to experience. You are sharing experiences with your brother
that you never met and never will. And for that I am truly sorry. I hope
someday you will forgive me. Now I am going to cry like I always do when
I think about that child. The son, who had been sitting and listening to
her while she talked was watching her cry and felt anger toward her. For
holding back all these years. He has been wondering why she looked like
that she was about to cry every time she looked at him. Now, he knows
why. Will he leave, like I have always feared? Now that he knows, what's
going to stop him from leaving? The child within the living child felt
pity for the mom, the mom he had never met. The unborn child reached out
his hand and caught the tears that fall from her cheeks and the living
child said its ok; I'm not going to leave as you fear. For I see that you
wanted to run away from the Pain but in the end you faced your Pain and
now you regret why you ran from the Pain. The Pain was worth it. I
realize now that I should never run away from the Pain because you might
regret it for the rest of your life. The child within has finally
experienced the love of a caring mother, has finally experienced the love
of a caring mother, has finally experienced the catching of a mother's tears.
The unborn child still resides in the living child. The child lives
through the living and has now experienced everything that he had wanted
to experience. The mother had no more children and didn't want any more.
For she didn't want to see another child that had an unborn child inside
the living one.

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