The Eternal Sleep.
She comes to me sometimes, mostly on the nights I throw my little fit and sleep outside on the grass in my sleeping bag.
by Timothy Goodmansen
I close my eyes and take deep breaths and remember the scent, deep breath and then that scent; like some sort of flower with vanilla extract.
I hear her feet in the tall grass, her foot steps both gentle and fast. She climbs in next to me in my zipped up bag. I am huddled in the corner, so that she has plenty of room.
" How are you John? " She leans in and whispers in my ear. With the scent of flowers. Flowers, like the ones I used to steal from my mothers flower bed.
I would run outside and eat the petals off of them as fast as I could, so that I wouldn't stop myself because I knew how it upsets her. But the taste and silky feel it left on my tongue made it too tempting.
"John... john? well, aren't you going to kiss me John? " She asks in her childish pout.
' No, Marry, just leave me. Please.'
(I love you more dear.)
She lays her head on my chest, but I can't feel anything. I focus on the smell of flowers.
'Marry, do you remember those nights in my room, how you let me in, how you told me, can we go back to then? '
I fell in love with your words before my fingers ever traced an inch of you.
" Touch me John, please? "
' I can't, marry, You won't be there.'
I close my eyes and focuse on the smell of flowers. And imagine myself sinking in the ground, sinking six feet down. And I imagine what it would be like to be there for eternity, eternity, just her and me.
" Do you still love me John? "
'Go away, please Marry! '
" Touch me John, and let me go."
' No, I don't want to let you go. I just want you to leave. I want to be alone. You know that when I reach for you, and you're not there, you'll disappear.
" We all disappear John. We are born and then we are gone. Just like the night light that flickers off and then on."
' But I need you marry, you know this, you know that I can't stand to be here alone. I won't let you go, and be on my own again.
You were the voice that I spent my days listening to even when everybody was laughing at me. It was you who I couldn't stand to leave me. But you did leave me, marry! '
" Oh, you are such a little boy John. Touch me? "
I am a boy, I am a boy, I am a...
My fingers twitch at my side and she is gone.