Sidney Joseph Perelman, almost always known as S. J. Perelman, (February 1, 1904 – October 17, 1979) was an American humorist, author, and screenwriter. He is best known for his humorous short pieces written over many years for The New Yorker. He also wrote for several other magazines, as well as books, scripts, and screenplays.

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Sidney Joseph Perelman Poems

Sidney Joseph Perelman Quotes

I haven't eaten in three days. I didn't eat yesterday, I didn't eat today and I'm not going to eat tomorrow. That makes it three days!
S.J. Perelman, U.S. screenwriter, Arthur Sheekman, Will Johnstone, and Norman Z. McLeod. Chico Marx, Monkey Business, a complaint shipboard stowaway Chico makes to fellow stowaway Groucho Marx (1931). Groucho has no character name in the credits—he is listed as one of the "Stowaways."
I tell you, you're ruining that boy. You're ruining him. Why can't you do as much for me?
S.J. Perelman, U.S. screenwriter, Bert Kalmar, Harry Ruby, and Norman Z. McLeod. Groucho Marx, Horsefeathers, a wisecrack made as Huxley College president to Connie, the college widow (Thelma Todd) about her affair with Wagstaff's son Frank (Zeppo Marx) (1932).
When I was your age I went to bed right after supper. Sometimes I went to bed before supper. Sometimes I went without supper and didn't go to bed at all.
S.J. Perelman, U.S. screenwriter, Bert Kalmar, Harry Ruby, and Norman Z. McLeod. Groucho Marx, Horsefeathers, a wisecrack made to his son Frank (Zeppo Marx) after hearing about Frank's escapades with the college widow (Thelma Todd) (1932).

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